Burdened and Gifted – Gifted with a Burden

I am sensing transition, the type of life-changing transition that requires all of my attention, will-power and cooperation. I recognize that this is a good thing and that prayers will soon be answered. However, I am burdened with the possibility of my future being SO big, that I can’t handle it’s pressure or that I will disappoint those in whom I’ve been called to help.

I feel as though I am spiritually and emotionally being stripped of my past and I am about to receive the crown. My crown.

Exciting? Yes. But even more so burdensome, as I ponder if I am I ready for such a change. I sure hope so, because ready or not, it’s here!

I recognize that all of the mixed emotions of this time in my life is exactly what it feels like to be burdened and gifted.


If I Could Sum Up…

…this time period in my life as a life lesson for moving forward, it’s simply this:

If something’s not working or not fitting, don’t force it! You may “force” something that shouldn’t be, in place of what should be! And that, is TRAGIC!

It’s like trying to stuff your toes in a shoe 2 sizes too small. You can force it, but why when you can just go get a shoe that was made for you, …your shoe, your size.

By forcing relationship, forcing smiles, forcing prediction, I unknowingly forced myself into a reality not my own. An unhappy version of me that bended, ever so gracefully, to the March of everyone else’s beat, but my own.

I know that now.

My future looks great. It’s emptied of the political wishy-wash of past trauma. It’s emptied of people only seeking selfish gain. It’s emptied of life distractions and time “sucks”.

It’s full of unexpected blessings. It’s full of genuine laughter. Time well spent, jobs well done. Most of all, it involves me not trying to fit my size 10’s in someone else’s size 8.

Make Moves Today!

A lot of people confuse being busy with making moves (or moving forward), but the reality is that those things could not be farther apart in definition.

Being busy is the combination of time-sucking tasks, that could be in your best interest, or not! They consist of taking on additional chores at home or work that don’t belong to you, and running pointless errands instead of resting.

Moving forward means that you are doing or thinking in a way that promotes self awareness, joy, a sense of purpose and ultimately leads to your life’s goals. Moving forward sometimes means clearing your schedule rather than cluttering it. It sometimes means adopting “NO” as your favorite word.

Let’s reflect: Are you just being busy …or are you making moves?

Here are 3 tips to help you make better decisions about adding to your to-do-list:

Does this task help me…

Move with intention?

Move with authority?

Move with a plan?


Flourishing in the Desert

Living in the desert allows me to consistently be amazed by the growing and flourishing greenery that exists here. Though not always prominent, I am constantly impressed at how even amidst the driest and most unforgiving of summers, the flowers atop the Cacti still blossom, the birds and wildlife still find grub and other natural resources flourish without missing a beat.

This got me to thinking!

Whenever I have seasons of unmet expectations, I always liken it to being “stuck” in a dessert. I have a hyper imagination, so I imagine sitting under a dry brittle, leaf-less tree as I watch tumble weeds roll down the mounds of sand. I imagine that no life exists here. Nothing exciting here and nothing worth my time.

But the reality is, My desert can be an oasis, …but only if I let it. The moment I lay down “my” unrealistic expectations of life – or this tiny moment therein, I realize that even the parts of my story that takes me threw the desert, can still bear good fruit, be meaningful and produce praise-worthy moments. Just like the desert that is my home!

The moment I stop reaching for the sea and appreciate the dessert, I transform. My scenery doesn’t have to change, for there to be change.

I can then start to admire the tiny budding flowers, the desert animals that always have enough to eat and the beauty just in front of my face. I then start to see the “now” as the road map to what’s next, and not the stumbling block that should not be. I give birth to experience, growth, maturity and Change. I tap into the hidden beauty of my very own desert! (And, it doesn’t look nearly as bad as my imagination says it does, I just need to LOOK a little closer. 🙂 )

My personal takeaway notes: The desert is simply what you make of it. So, stop giving room to excuses and make you a personalized desert oasis – right here, right now!


Blurred Lines

Last night it rained unexpectedly, and to my 3 year olds amazement, there stood a beautiful rainbow perfectly centered from the view in our backyard. This morning as I think of how far I’ve come in my personal development; from a young girl with crushed dreams, a seemingly frail future and meek overall existence, to a bold confidant woman excited for the future, I find myself reminiscing of yesterday’s rainbow. Not simply because of it’s beautiful beckoning against its gray backdrop; but because of something that I’ve never noticed before:

There are no distinct lines to define each color. The colors are all separate and easily recognizable, but at a certain point, they come together to create something more beautiful than just the one color by itself could’ve ever attained. The rainbow as we know it doesn’t exist without the blurred lines.

How often do I look at myself and see “blurred lines”. That is, the part of me that I can’t quit define or contain in my own imaginings of existence. The part that my “people-pleasing” side dis-approves of because it hardly makes any sense to the average person. The unexpected moments in my life that I feel don’t fit in my storyline. The conversations that weren’t supposed to leave me heartbroken, but did. The fear that left and tried to come back. The moments that left me questioning my entire existence, position and authority.

How many times do I mask this part of my story because I haven’t found anything positive to compare it to. Until now…

And so I write:

The rainbow exemplifies beauty to me. The way each color tends to melt into the other and keeps flowing like that of the river. One color not more beautiful than the other. And yet at the point in which one color meets the next, it doesn’t hesitate at its unfamiliarity but rather embraces its uniqueness; and falls into the arms of a willing participant.

I want to be more like the rainbow. Recognizing each moment of my life is no more beautiful than the next. Each life experience flows together to create the uniqueness that is all my stories own. No picking and choosing the good or the bad, but allowing the blurred lines to remind me that without the ugly, the unfamiliar, the lost and the broken; there would be no beauty, no discovery, no hidden treasures, and no self discovery!

I look forward in the future to allowing each part of my story to stand just as bold as the next. And, Unapologetically expose what others tend to hide.

THANK YOU rainbow for the gentle reminder! Blurred lines are a necessary part of me exposing my full beauty!